The beginning

Before Team Tadan, before realizing Tadan is my shooting star I was lost and so alone. In the beginning me even thinking Tadan would leave a beautiful legacy was so far from my mind. I was engulfed with confusion, anger and out right hatred that this was possible. I hung on so long to that anger cause I thought that is how I will survive, if I could stay mad it would make me strong cause anger is so powerful it can take you over.  Even when I cried it was because I was so mad at the disease, mad that it exists, mad that it chose Tadan, mad that it chose Paige, Dalton and I. I had a hard time enjoying the days as I watched Tadan slowly lose his abilities. I was impatient with what the future held, what would tomorrow bring I thought, what will he lose the next day? Only more for him to be upset about and then I my anger would grow. I did my best to enjoy the trip to Disney, laugh and cry when he was thrilled about things he saw, having Paige and Dalton right in there with him, but in the back of my mind there was a reason we were there, Tadan was sick and would eventually die. Hard not to think about. That year came and went just as his abilities did, that year alone he lost his ability to walk and the use of his right hand. The weekly therapies and doctor visits were numbing, like I was on auto-pilot, trying to keep what abilities he had strong and keeping him out of pain, knowing I could never stop the disease from taking him. As 2011 rolled around it became more apparent that Tadan's disease had no intention of plateauing, he was in a steady decline. My anger turned to sorrow realizing that I would lose him and fear overwhelmed me as how I would react to this. I tried so many times to look for answers, for something to help me understand. Became involved with ULF, Inspire, connecting with friends on Facebook and a closed group LEUKODYSTROPHY. I became friends with other moms that were battling these diseases, them being so rare and yet so many of us are hurting, losing our children. Knowing I was not alone in my feelings slowly brought me out of my sorrow. Then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, Tadan needs to see the ocean. I don't know why it was so important but he deserved to see the ocean. The journey and people involved with it was when I began to accept Tadan as who he is and what he is meant to do. The media attention he received was overwhelming, they wanted to be involved as he got his first glimpse of the ocean. Strangers came up to us on the beach saying what Tadan had done for them, it was beautiful. Tadan had touched so many hearts on the journey alone I knew what a blessing I had right before me. It then became a driving force to show the world this little boy, who could now barely sit up or play with toys, to show them a truth behind love, to show them how patience and everyday you are given is a gift. To be continued........